McCain?
Really?
I feel like the parents in the smash indie hit Juno when first informed of their teen's pregnancy. Really, Republican Party? You voted for McCain? I thought you had more sense than that.
I mean, I know these things happen, and I still love you. But I thought you were the type of party that knew when to say when.
When being now, now is the time to choose someone who will win the election for us in November. Yes, this November. Coming soon, ain't it?
Pretend this is a Prize fight, and since most of us have enough income to bet heavily, pretend you've just bet 10,000 (spare change) on the Republican candidate.
So the Dems are sending out one of two voter-attracting, crowd-gathering candidates: Barack Obama, a breakout rookie star with a smooth voice; and our old enemy, the seasoned (and scary) Hillary Clinton, with the flying fists of verbal violence. [Alliteration! Recognize!]
And in the other corner, we have, fighting for all that is Red in the nation, our chance to have our ideologies represented, the only hope for conservative America...John McCain.
OK. Seriously? John McCain, representing conservative Americans? When did this happen? When did he become a conservative anyway? I thought the point of the primaries was to pick a Republican candidate, not offer the voters a third liberal.
Personal politics aside, in the grand scheme, I suppose McCain would be all right for the job, at least when compared to a Democrat. But too bad we'll never get to know, because-- and here's the kicker-- John McCain will never be elected President.
I know it, you know it, we all know it. There's a huge organization behind Clinton, a huge momentum behind Obama, and behind McCain, a huge collection of sweaters. Great. We'll knit our way to a Republican victory in November.
The thing about McCain is, Republicans know he's not a conservative, in the strict sense, and they know he hasn't a frog's chance in a French restaurant to win the national election. However, he's leading in delegates, in states, and in national polls. Why?
I think it's all thanks to a little something called Party Guilt. The Republicans gave America George W. Bush for eight years, and for that we are eternally sorry. There is no way to truly make up for what we did, and so we give you this offering. Please, eat of our food, drink of our wine, take of our electoral votes. You can have the White House back. We'll polish it up real good and shiny too! Look, we'll even throw in on of yours to be our candidate! He's against torture, wants to pull out of Iraq, is nice to illegals. Maybe he'll even legalize abortion! Marijuana!
Just...just don't talk about what happened, ok? Sorry, I know it's not enough to vindicate us, but if we can take four years of B. Hussein Obama or another eight years of Billary, you can damn well try to pretend the last eight years never happened. At least until the revisionist presidential museum is completed.
